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I really, really, really don't want to write my economics paper. So I will write about my inpending doom instead. Friday is my road test. I think I'll do okay, but after failing the first time the confidence is serverly lacking. Not to mention I took drivers ed about half a year ago, so all the specific rules/ details are kind-a gone. I hope this is last minuet jitters or something. I seemed to lack them last time, that was until the instructor had silently got into the drivers seat next to me, didn't even look at me just started scribbling on her clip board (she was nice though). And all I could think was-------.
That happens to me a lot, there are moments when someone to me says what where you thinking, and I can just stare stupidly back because honestly there wasn't much going on (not pertaining to just driving, I got better and force my self to think.)
Honestly though, I just kinda freeze up and blank out, that or I do the "over analizing" thing. Thats one of the worst things about driving with my Mom. I love the women, really I do. But no one else could make me secound guess myself more while driving then she could. Little arm movements I catch out of the corner of my eye. I was turning (and I must admitt one of my big problems driving is judgeing distance and time) and I thought if I went fast and stuck with my guns, I would have plenty of time to make the turn without a problem. Then out of the corner of my eye I see my Mom's hand spaz. Implication: I don't have enough time now, and I better do something quick to fix it. That secound guess made me hesitate, swurving the car and speeding through the turn. Making it, but barly befor the bus(yes it was a bus) drove pass. At the hesitation/swurve I hear my Mom say "Oh My God!" I know, yes hesitations like that can mean the diffrence between fine and a very expensive "ops" or even death(to be a little dramatic-even though its true). But then comes the "Liz what where you thinking!" *sigh*
Blah, I just wish driving was easier. I am so inconsistant, one day fine the next bad-ish. I feel like I try and it doesn't get me any where. How can you fix something when you don't know what exsactly is broken?
Then whenever I do something that mabey lacks common sense (This unfortunatly I have a bad habit of doing. Often times this too is followed with a "what are you think?" But how on earth does one LEARN common sense(It's somehting you just know, how can it be taught to you???). I get the " I don't know if I'll feel okay with letting you go off to colledge on your own" To this I feel well too bad, because I am gonna go. I HAVE to go. Just to prove that I can do it my self. Not to anyone just to me, because secretly I dout my self to. I do worry I'll fail. But then I remind my self to have faith, I will be fine and I CAN do it. God I sound like one of those little kids who constantly insists that they can tie their own shoes. Even if it ends up being a crasy tangle of laces, I'll get it eventually.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
babaganoosh375
Feb. 25th, 2007 06:10 pm (UTC)
haha you passed!

sorry im just reading this now babe!

but i saw a comment you left on an old journal post of mine and HAD to stop by!

miss u
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )